On mistakes and regrets.
Truth be told my life is one big bundle of regret. And every now and then when I reflect on whatever I’ve done or have not done, I feel like crap. People say the past is the past and we should just pick up the pieces and start over. But honestly, its easier said than done.
I don’t know what urged me to just write this tumblr post but I just felt like it. At least its a reminder (when I look back 10 days from now, hah) that I just simply need to let go.
And I earnestly pray (to whoever is reading this), that you just keep it to yourself. Please? Thanks.
On love:
Getting together with **** was just one huge mistake in itself. It was tormenting, torturous and heartbreaking. It was practically digging my own grave to be honest. He didn’t try to hard to make me happy (because I was delusional thinking I was happy). I gave everything to try to make someone, who made me an option, happy. The result? He made me feel under-appreciated. Tossed me aside when he didn’t need me, when he thought I was a nuisance, when he thought I was clingy. Broke my heart when he lied to me - not once, but like a trillion times. Bad mistake. Freaking bad idea. Gave up someone who meant the world to me in exchange for someone who made me feel lower than crap. So much for that.
On friends:
Damn this was like a freaking punch to my face. Mistake #1 - totally should not have agreed to room with A. I felt like the middleman (again). It was uncomfortable, it got lonely and it never really felt like it was mine and A’s room. I had zero space to myself. I just got so frustrated i just wanted to go home and sleep on my own bed. I felt like I was used as a freaking sacrificial lamb and it sucked. The situation went down as such: A and B used to be room mates, got into a terrible fight. B decided that if they spent one more semester together, they might be at each other’s throat. So I got roped in, became the middleman. And when they realised how much they wanted to be each other’s roomie and how much they loved each other, I got tossed aside, again. Told you I was the sacrificial lamb.
I swear 2011 was full of heartaches. It was a bad year.
I learn that having many friends isn’t such a good thing. I’d rather have a small group of friends who know me well and are incredibly true to each other as compared to having a huge group of friends who are just hypocritical and superficial (not that I’m saying that any of my current friends are, its just a hypothetical situation).
I lost friends in 2011. Friends whom I thought I could count on, friends who let me down and friends who surprisingly stuck by me and became much closer.
I don’t want to try and paint an image of me being a victim. I’m really not a victim because honestly, I know everyone goes through shit. And thats what makes them stronger.
So I’m telling the world now that I’m strong. Strong enough to stay grounded and know my priorities. This year, I don’t want unnecessary drama in my life. In fact, I don’t want any drama at all for that matter.
2012; no bullshit.
